New York, New Mama
Back to work and back on the road again. How did that blissful 12 weeks of maternity
leave fly by so quickly? The long days
of feeding, snuggling, changing diapers, cruising the neighborhood, running
errands, giving thousands of kisses and going on lunch dates with friends came
to a screeching halt yesterday. I
completely underestimated how hard it would be to drop off my sweet 12-week-old
baby. The other babies seemed so big
next to him and he seemed too tiny to spend his days without his mom. His teachers seem wonderful, but that didn’t
help the huge lump in my throat and knot in my stomach as I waved goodbye and
quickly left the building, fumbling through my overstuffed diaper bag to find
my sunglasses to hide my tears. Loading
the empty carseat back into my car caused my heart to shatter. I had a nice little cry on the way to work,
aka back home. I think in the long run
working from home will be an easier way to be a working mom, but yesterday it
seemed so strange being “home” without Charles.
I would have welcomed the opportunity to go into an office where I’d be
surrounded by co-workers and quickly distracted by office chatter and
back-to-back meetings.
For us, there was never any question on if I’d return to
work (especially since I just started a
new job 7+ months pregnant!). In the
long run, I do think it’s the best decision for our marriage & family, but
that certainly doesn’t make it any easier to leave this guy.
I remember a co-worker from my days at McKinney once saying,
“I feel like I’m getting a “C” at home and at work. I’m not able to give either 100% like I’ve
always done.” I’ll never stop trying to
do my best work on both fronts, but I am going to give myself some grace to
ease back in and figure out our new normal.
I’ve quickly learned “babies don’t keep.” This time is too precious & fleeting to
miss out on, so I’m going to have to be smarter than ever in prioritizing trips
away from home. I have lots of fabulous
working mom role models in my life, starting with my own mom. I can
do this. I can do this.
This morning as my alarm went off at 4:45 a.m. my first
thought was I secretly hoped Charles would stir. Sure enough, a little after 5 a.m. I heard
him fussing a bit. I’ve never been so
happy to see him hungry before daylight!
Josh went in and scooped him up and brought him back to our bed to give
him a bottle. I was so happy to be able
to give him a few kisses before racing to the airport. And so happy for such a wonderful husband
whom I know is going to take excellent care of our baby while I’m away.
Be kind to me, New York.
XO,
Whit
Oh, I feel for you. My first day (okay, weeks) back to work were so hard. I remember it made me so upset in the beginning when people would say that "it gets easier." I felt like if I were to become less sad to leave my baby, I'd be a bad mother. But it did get easier. And now I can honestly say that most days I couldn't imagine being anything other than a working mom. Hope the transition is a smooth one for you. He sure is a cutie!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing, Melissa!!
DeleteThinking about you - I know you will do a fabulous job at balancing it all. Charles will be so proud of his smart, hard working mama! xoxo!
ReplyDeleteBeing a Mother is definitely the most challenging, and rewarding, job there is. So congrats on a job well done! Going back to work after those first blissful months is so hard, especially after you've established a routine at home. But unfortunately, in this modern age, work is a necessary evil to pay the bills. I am too in the advertising industry, ad technology sales specifically, and I've found WFH provides an immense amount of flexibility, which is exactly what I needed. You'll find your groove soon enough. Best of luck!!!
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. I'm a working mom too and it can definitely be hard. But I bet you are doing a great job (at all your jobs...) :)
ReplyDelete